Or, well, not, as the case may be.
Since n has joined our lives, I’ve posted a few times about trying to remember to do things for ourselves; about reconnecting with those activities that make us happy and center us in a way that activities which are child-focused do not.
Along these lines, I sang in a talent show yesterday. Once on my own, and once in a trio. Not much, and it went pretty well, considering how long it’s been since I’ve had professional vocal lessons, and the damage that’s been done to my throat in the meantime. But it reminded me strongly just how much I’m not doing for myself.
After n was born, I still spent time singing in choirs (my way of getting some “me” time, and connecting with my musical past, even if it wasn’t really on the same level). But it was . . . really nice.
Okay, and saying it that way seems kind of lame, no? But to put it this way–in theory, I’m also singing in the choir. But since the season started over six months ago, I’ve made it to two rehearsals. TWO. Because what I’m finding is, just as it was easier to take n everywhere as a baby, when she was little and portable, it was easier to make time for myself when I had more energy.
I suppose there are some parents who have more energy after their children are out of the young baby stage, and I did have a few months of brightness in there. But I have to confess that I feel far more drained now, with a three year old, than I ever did with a young baby. My wonky schedule probably has a little bit to do with that–certainly I’d be more likely to head to choir at 7:30 on a weekday night if I hadn’t been at work until 6:30, with n there for the last hour and change, while I tried to get her to eat something (please, god, anything) before dragging her home. But honestly, at the end of the day, all I want to do is collapse into bed.
I know there’ll be a time when I have not only the time and ability to do more for myself, but the question is, what do I do in the meantime? What do you do? How do you keep in touch with yourself and those things that make you happy during those times where you really need them most? When you, by default, are less likely to be able to do them?
Featured photo: Night, used with permission from Weaselword’s Flickr stream.